Confessions of an Educated Woman/Why You Should Date an Educated Woman

At least I should be educated, right? I guess I qualify, though most of the time, I’m just trying not to look dumb, rather than actually doing anything in an educated fashion.

Now I know that it’s different for everyone (thank goodness no one is quite like me, the world doesn’t need more of my type of logic running around), but one thing I’ve noticed, in the Mormon culture especially, is a strange, albeit subtle aversion to highly educated, older, or deeply independent women. There has been a lot of everything on this topic, from the feminist Priesthood movement, to those who still believe that it was Eve’s fault we’re mortal and therefore it’s her fault they’re going bald. For those worried about this particular issue, please see Alma 40:23

Sometimes I want to laugh, cry, scream, and hokey-pokey in a circle when I see the conclusions people come to, including myself. ESPECIALLY myself.  (Sometimes I actually do all of the above. Unfortunately my family can more than attest to this.)

I cringe when I meet new people because I’m always afraid they’ll ask “What are your life plans?” “Do you have a job?"

But the worst is: “Are you in school?” 

Especially if it’s a cute guy, I’m all like GREAT! How is he going to react?

Umm…yeah, I’m in school… *insert coy half smile*

What year?

Hehe I’m about to start my doctorate…

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate….well you get the idea. I hate watching the light fizzle out of their eyes. It’s not my fault!!! My Prince Charming hasn’t shown up yet.

*here I usually stick my tongue out at them in my head* Why? Because I’m considering them as potential dating material, and I’d wish they’d do the same without getting hung up on my schooling.

I’ve started trying to catch the conversation with guile. It doesn’t work when they remember the last place I was attending school was in NYC.  Oh yeah, I’m between schools…Oh yeah I’ll be in NY this fall. No, I’m not still there, I went to Ohio in between, and now I’m going back to NY…the blank stare makes me desperate…Ok OK! I’ve done another degree when you weren’t looking. MY BAD!  

     In conversations with other girls with similar experiences  to be three types of people (keep in mind it’s not just guys, it’s girls, kids, babies, dogs, hamsters, etc.): The Wilter; The Orator; The Sprinter. 

The Wilter: You actually say something witty and you’re all excited and you look over and they’ve wilted, like their physicality actually changes. There is a crumpling inward. It’s like watching a black hole eat itself.

The Orator: You say something and all of a sudden they switch from their normal speech and respond in the style of Shakespeare. Seriously! I don’t even know what you’re saying right now! “Ieth, agreeth, witheth, youeth??” What about a dateth? No? Ok. Oh! Well, byeth.

The Sprinter: You feel like something could really happen, until you look up and only see the dust in their wake. Guess they didn’t feel the same. You never really know why.

I’m 23. I have a master’s degree. I’ll probably have my doctorate by the time I’m 25 or 26, but that’s not really who I am. There is only one thing I have really wanted, and that is to be a wife and mother. More than anything else.

     In all honesty I use big words because I think they’re funny and I joke 75% of every conversation. It gives me a thrill to say something cool, but on the inside I’m giggling (hehe they really thought I knew what I was talking about?

 *Snort* Shoot! They took me seriously.

 OOOH! @.@ That DID make sense. I’ve never considered that thought until this second when that train came screeching out of my mouth!)

 I like to see what my brain comes up with on the fly, so I open my mouth and fly. That’s what they tell us, right? Take a risk? Open our wings and see what happens?

     I bring this up because it’s not fair to anyone. Not fair to those single girls who feel prejudged and categorized for having the opportunity to educate their dreams, not fair to those fabulous women who got married early and didn’t have as much opportunity to go to a lot of school but are all incredible and intelligent mothers, not fair to the women who are in-between school and career, or can’t decide, or are done with school and bought themselves a house, not fair to the men who have spent a lot of time in school and sacrificed for their careers, or to the men who didn’t fit the school mold and still have sacrificed for their careers. It’s not fair for anyone. No matter who you are, or where you are, it’s simply not fair.

     My point is that no one should feel like they need to dumb themselves down. Not anyone. Life is not that simple. School does not equal educated. Degrees do not equal smart. Nope, nope, nope. My mother is one of the most intelligent human beings I have ever met and she never completed a degree.

Don’t put a ceiling on your own potential by assuming you need to be intimidated by anyone, especially not by a girl with a couple of degrees after her name. You know that quote: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  Marianne Williamson

 

I really appreciate her insight here. When we stop holding each other back because we’re afraid we’re not enough, we actually give ourselves permission to share the sky. We have all of heaven to soar in. Music has converted me. I would not believe in God in a way that would satiate my soul, if I had not toiled through my degrees. Why would stop before I have to? I’m not married yet, and much as I would like to be, I don’t want to waste my time waiting. So I keep searching for truth. We all want true conversion, right? My path is through schooling. Yours might be something else. Let’s not judge each other for that. Like President Uchtdorf quoted: “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” In the same vein, don’t judge me because I learn through different experiences than you do. 

 

     Not all educated girls have the same characteristics, but if you get a truly educated woman, one who has tried to embrace life and knowledge with open arms, this is what you’ll get. And you know, it has nothing to do with how many degrees she holds:

* She WANTS to be married and have a family.

*She fights for what she wants.

*She knows what it’s like to be at the top and the bottom of the success chain.

*When she picks you, you know she wants you with EVERY part of her. (And that she has spent a disgusting amount of time thinking, analyzing, and maybe even stalking you on facebook. Unless she’s cool and doesn’t have one. So she’ll use someone else’s.)

*She is willing to adapt. And she’s getting good at it, because she has to do it every day.

*She can see who you are pretty clearly, and she’s learning what it will take to show you who she is, too.

*She doesn’t care about her degrees. She’s educated because that’s where she’s becoming converted to truth, where she is becoming herself, and because she is following inspiration. She cares about nurturing intelligence, and learning to be willing to change, and to discover something new every day. 

On a final note, I want to admit that some educated women that I’ve talked with (including myself) don’t really know how to act around men. They’re guilty of really bad communication, even though they are trying hard. Probably too hard. Just know, that under whatever spikes you might think you see, there is a vulnerable, endearing, passionate, girl, who just like any other person is looking for real love and true happiness.