Confessions of an Educated Woman/Why You Should Date an Educated Woman

At least I should be educated, right? I guess I qualify, though most of the time, I’m just trying not to look dumb, rather than actually doing anything in an educated fashion.

Now I know that it’s different for everyone (thank goodness no one is quite like me, the world doesn’t need more of my type of logic running around), but one thing I’ve noticed, in the Mormon culture especially, is a strange, albeit subtle aversion to highly educated, older, or deeply independent women. There has been a lot of everything on this topic, from the feminist Priesthood movement, to those who still believe that it was Eve’s fault we’re mortal and therefore it’s her fault they’re going bald. For those worried about this particular issue, please see Alma 40:23

Sometimes I want to laugh, cry, scream, and hokey-pokey in a circle when I see the conclusions people come to, including myself. ESPECIALLY myself.  (Sometimes I actually do all of the above. Unfortunately my family can more than attest to this.)

I cringe when I meet new people because I’m always afraid they’ll ask “What are your life plans?” “Do you have a job?"

But the worst is: “Are you in school?” 

Especially if it’s a cute guy, I’m all like GREAT! How is he going to react?

Umm…yeah, I’m in school… *insert coy half smile*

What year?

Hehe I’m about to start my doctorate…

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate….well you get the idea. I hate watching the light fizzle out of their eyes. It’s not my fault!!! My Prince Charming hasn’t shown up yet.

*here I usually stick my tongue out at them in my head* Why? Because I’m considering them as potential dating material, and I’d wish they’d do the same without getting hung up on my schooling.

I’ve started trying to catch the conversation with guile. It doesn’t work when they remember the last place I was attending school was in NYC.  Oh yeah, I’m between schools…Oh yeah I’ll be in NY this fall. No, I’m not still there, I went to Ohio in between, and now I’m going back to NY…the blank stare makes me desperate…Ok OK! I’ve done another degree when you weren’t looking. MY BAD!  

     In conversations with other girls with similar experiences  to be three types of people (keep in mind it’s not just guys, it’s girls, kids, babies, dogs, hamsters, etc.): The Wilter; The Orator; The Sprinter. 

The Wilter: You actually say something witty and you’re all excited and you look over and they’ve wilted, like their physicality actually changes. There is a crumpling inward. It’s like watching a black hole eat itself.

The Orator: You say something and all of a sudden they switch from their normal speech and respond in the style of Shakespeare. Seriously! I don’t even know what you’re saying right now! “Ieth, agreeth, witheth, youeth??” What about a dateth? No? Ok. Oh! Well, byeth.

The Sprinter: You feel like something could really happen, until you look up and only see the dust in their wake. Guess they didn’t feel the same. You never really know why.

I’m 23. I have a master’s degree. I’ll probably have my doctorate by the time I’m 25 or 26, but that’s not really who I am. There is only one thing I have really wanted, and that is to be a wife and mother. More than anything else.

     In all honesty I use big words because I think they’re funny and I joke 75% of every conversation. It gives me a thrill to say something cool, but on the inside I’m giggling (hehe they really thought I knew what I was talking about?

 *Snort* Shoot! They took me seriously.

 OOOH! @.@ That DID make sense. I’ve never considered that thought until this second when that train came screeching out of my mouth!)

 I like to see what my brain comes up with on the fly, so I open my mouth and fly. That’s what they tell us, right? Take a risk? Open our wings and see what happens?

     I bring this up because it’s not fair to anyone. Not fair to those single girls who feel prejudged and categorized for having the opportunity to educate their dreams, not fair to those fabulous women who got married early and didn’t have as much opportunity to go to a lot of school but are all incredible and intelligent mothers, not fair to the women who are in-between school and career, or can’t decide, or are done with school and bought themselves a house, not fair to the men who have spent a lot of time in school and sacrificed for their careers, or to the men who didn’t fit the school mold and still have sacrificed for their careers. It’s not fair for anyone. No matter who you are, or where you are, it’s simply not fair.

     My point is that no one should feel like they need to dumb themselves down. Not anyone. Life is not that simple. School does not equal educated. Degrees do not equal smart. Nope, nope, nope. My mother is one of the most intelligent human beings I have ever met and she never completed a degree.

Don’t put a ceiling on your own potential by assuming you need to be intimidated by anyone, especially not by a girl with a couple of degrees after her name. You know that quote: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  Marianne Williamson

 

I really appreciate her insight here. When we stop holding each other back because we’re afraid we’re not enough, we actually give ourselves permission to share the sky. We have all of heaven to soar in. Music has converted me. I would not believe in God in a way that would satiate my soul, if I had not toiled through my degrees. Why would stop before I have to? I’m not married yet, and much as I would like to be, I don’t want to waste my time waiting. So I keep searching for truth. We all want true conversion, right? My path is through schooling. Yours might be something else. Let’s not judge each other for that. Like President Uchtdorf quoted: “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” In the same vein, don’t judge me because I learn through different experiences than you do. 

 

     Not all educated girls have the same characteristics, but if you get a truly educated woman, one who has tried to embrace life and knowledge with open arms, this is what you’ll get. And you know, it has nothing to do with how many degrees she holds:

* She WANTS to be married and have a family.

*She fights for what she wants.

*She knows what it’s like to be at the top and the bottom of the success chain.

*When she picks you, you know she wants you with EVERY part of her. (And that she has spent a disgusting amount of time thinking, analyzing, and maybe even stalking you on facebook. Unless she’s cool and doesn’t have one. So she’ll use someone else’s.)

*She is willing to adapt. And she’s getting good at it, because she has to do it every day.

*She can see who you are pretty clearly, and she’s learning what it will take to show you who she is, too.

*She doesn’t care about her degrees. She’s educated because that’s where she’s becoming converted to truth, where she is becoming herself, and because she is following inspiration. She cares about nurturing intelligence, and learning to be willing to change, and to discover something new every day. 

On a final note, I want to admit that some educated women that I’ve talked with (including myself) don’t really know how to act around men. They’re guilty of really bad communication, even though they are trying hard. Probably too hard. Just know, that under whatever spikes you might think you see, there is a vulnerable, endearing, passionate, girl, who just like any other person is looking for real love and true happiness.

The Power of Weakness: New Testament

NEW TESTAMENT

Peter

     Peter is one of my absolute favorites! He was such a strong and capable man, physically fit with a powerful desire to do what’s right. He was the head disciple and leads the newly-founded church after

Christ’s death, resurrection, and subsequent return to heaven. And in more recent times he joined James and John as resurrected beings assigned to confer the authority of the Priesthood on Joseph Smith. This good man believed in the identity of Christ as the Son of God, and trusted that he could follow His footsteps anywhere, even across water. Peter spent his entire life in the service of Christ, traversing his world as a missionary and would later suffer a brutal death in the name of Christ. However, his service and leadership are not the only things highlighted about Peter. The stories of his failings are just as well-known as anything else.

      Peter fought over who should be the first and greatest of the disciples in heaven, he wasn’t able to heal the boy whose parents had reached utter desperation, he was chastised on several occasions for lack of faith, he was rebuked in front of the rest of the disciples, he didn’t immediately grasp the significance of Christ washing his feet, he slept through the Atonement, cut off a man’s ear, and denied His Savior three times. And yet, he was the head apostle. After all that happened, Christ still depended on him, trusted him to help lead His church. What a profound lesson. 

     We cannot rely on our interpretation of things, or expect that our knowledge will arm us with the ability to do what needs to be done, to call down miracles, or see life through the long, lonely night. Peter thought he understood, thought he knew enough, thought his love for Christ and his belief in His mission was enough. But it wasn’t. It was only when he was prepared for the knowledge, only after he gave up his version of the story that he was endowed with power and true conversion, which can only come through a witness of the spirit. All the of the pointed, yet kind chastisement of the Master, all of his failings and insecurities led to the moment when the spirit could touch his heart and sear the truth into the fibers of his soul. We need this too. The moral is that we should not get so down on ourselves if we sleep through a meeting, because Peter slept through the Atonement!  In actuality, Peter’s life teaches us that our short-comings do not stall our progression, in fact, they prepare us for the times in our lives when the spirit hits our souls with all of the force of a still small voice and sanctifies us. Sister Ludwig, my mission president’s wife shared a quote: “Write your future plans in pencil...so God can erase them and write them in pen”. What this says to me is that we need to learn all we can, but be willing to step aside and accept truth as God gives it. And we can take the time to grow. God’s plan is perfect, and His timing is utterly dependable. Peter needed time and blundering to become the fierce defender of the faith, and so do we. So stop tearing yourself down. Follow Peter’s example and listen, learn, lean on Christ, and live.

Paul

     Paul’s life is like that perfect conversion story. Villain turned hero, persecutor turned apostle. His work as a missionary is the stuff of legends, and his lecture on faith powerful and moving. His preaching takes up most of the latter part of the New Testament, and chronicles his miracle-strewn ministry across Damascus, Jerusalem, Asia, Macedonia, Crete, and perhaps Spain.

     Other than his more violent past, and being rather ugly, there are only two big instances that make any mention of weakness. The first is that he got into a spat with Peter over the some finer points of conduct, in which he felt like Peter had acted inappropriately and not shown respect to some of the  converts. He later acknowledges that Peter’s work was primarily with a specific portion of the converts. There is an insight here into how the Lord calls each of us to different roles, different places where we can make the most difference, even if that means some of the finer points differ. But the point I really want to focus on comes a little bit later. Paul tell of an experience of a vision and then slips in this little statement. I have heard a few speculations on what this thorn in the flesh could be, but in the end it doesn’t really matter. 

     As followers of Christ, we try so hard to do what’s right, to believe in His promise of eventual perfection. We cultivate an understanding of His teachings, we nurture a desire to turn away from sin, and we tremble on our knees under the burden of our own guilt, all in the hopes that we can one day say that we’ve made it, that we are free from the shackles of sin and have no more desire to do evil, that we’ve really overcome our failings. And then here’s Paul, who seems to put that all into question. Why would a man who has done so much for the kingdom have to suffer with his thorn all of his life? He clarifies in the following passage. 

      What he’s saying is that our weaknesses keep us aware of how much we need Christ. Having our weaknesses our entire lives is not a representation of our lack of desire, it simply means that our    

weaknesses continue to be relevant. It would be like taking baking powder out of a cupcake recipe, just because you were tired of getting it out of the pantry. In order to rise, we need to see how far down the fall could be. Otherwise, we would be satisfied with flat and blabby cake, and that’s just not fair. Remember that weaknesses don’t define us unless we insist on taking credit for them. They serve a function, a purpose, but they are not meant to be used in our identity, unless that identity brings us to Christ.

The Power of Weakness: Old Testament

     Because I have felt so riddled with pock marks and scars caused by my weaknesses, understanding why I need to feel weak has become something of a quest. I think it's so crazy that subconsciously we assume that we need to get through life without messing up, and we expect those in authority to be mistake free. Rather ridonculous, if you stop and think about it. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe in a Savior that forgives, sanctifies, and enables each of His children. That means even prophets are allowed to make mistakes. So, with this in mind, I decided to embark on this little mini-series. Two prophets from each major book of scripture from the Old Testament to the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants are spotlighted. In each case I look for ways these prophet's weaknesses allow them to serve their God more effectively.


OLD TESTAMENT

Moses

     Moses was a powerful prophet and one of the one scriptural figures we refer to the most, from Judaism to Mormonism, from The Book of Mormon to the Dead Sea Scrolls. 

 Here is a quick biography:  He delivered the whole house of Israel, and led an impossible number of people across an unforgiving desert, after he parted the Red Sea with a piece of wood that allowed his people to cross a fierce obstacle in relative comfort. (Oh, and swallowed up the enemies that had held them physically, mentally, and emotionally captive.)

      Manna fell from the skies at his command, he talked with God face to face, conversing with the Eternal Being and came away imprinted with glory that streamed from his features. He laid down the law that is still treasured today, and guided, goaded, gathered his people through a journey that would purify them to the extent that they would be worthy to enter a land of promise, a religious paradise where they could enjoy freedom for the first time in many, many years.

     Buried among all of this greatness are a couple of surprising verses. The children of Israel are thirsty and missing their pomegranates that they had in Egypt and are generally making Moses and Aaron feel terrible by complaining. So Aaron and Moses go to the Lord in prayer and this is what follows: 

            Numbers 20:1-11

     Shut off the faucet. Pretty insane when you read it. This great, blessed man got so grouchy with the attitudes of the people, always nagging on him, and asking him to do things over and over again, that instead of talking to the rock, he bangs on the rock with his staff in outright disobedience. I think all of us can attest to a time in our lives when we’ve banged instead of talked. But in Moses’ case, it apparently cost him his right to lead the people into the Promised Land. It seems a little strange that God would punish a prophet like this, and then openly refer to him throughout His ministry in Jerusalem.  Also, let’s be honest. When anything is buried by God, or people don’t know where the body went in the scriptures, it doesn’t usually mean that the ravens found them. This usually means that they were taken up to God, to heaven, to glory. The Book of Mormon (a sublime testament of the simplicity, consistency and glory of the restored gospel and the role of Joseph Smith as the first prophet of this particular time) supports this as fact, and states, that indeed, Moses was translated, as in pretty much resurrected. 

       So what does this prove? By being removed from the head of the people as they entered the Promised Land, Moses’ weakness becomes apparent to us. Sometimes he had a hard time trusting God more than his own ability to see what was happening, and find a solution. But he knew better. He knew this powerful fact:

      He knew his staff would only be a stick without the True Vine. His words only stuttering, half-finished ideas without the Word, and the commandments simply the legislation of an inexperienced man without Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Moses was Moses because God is God.

      Moses forgot this in a moment of human weakness, and as a result was taken up into the eternal Promised Land. The consequence for Moses’ disobedience was that he would have no opportunity to take credit for his work with the children of Israel by being the one who led them into the Promised Land.

     The most beautiful part of this story to me is that despite, no BECAUSE of his weakness, Moses sealed with his life his understanding of God’s power. Yes, he messed up, yes, he didn’t “win” by leading his people into the Promised Land, but he did oh so much more for us and those who are adopted into the House of Israel through covenant. He knew what he was supposed to do, but wasn’t strong enough to trust God all of the time, so God, in His abundant mercy allowed Moses’ “punishment” to also be his second chance. His weakness would be a testimony of what he believed, even though he wasn’t strong enough to live the way he knew, that God was powerful and strong enough to make Moses’ efforts enough. This is the power of the Atonement. Moses’ life, obedience, and yes his weakness is now leading millions into the eternal, the real and the heavenly Promised Land. Moses got his wish, his honor. He fulfilled his mission, but only through the magnitude of an all-seeing, all-powerful, and all-merciful God. It is a reminder that we need to remember who the real strength is. His life is a beacon that pulsates with the reality that our weaknesses do not have the power to cripples us unless we choose to allow them to have that power. God forgives. God heals. God provides the infinite second chance.

Joseph in Egypt

     We don’t usually assign any grievances to Joseph, other than maybe being super excited about his colorful coat. But, whether or not the following is actually accurate, the scriptures are vague enough that I feel pretty comfortable about using this interpretation.

     Joseph in Egypt was a savior. He saved the entirety of Egypt, and several other nations along with his family from certain death by famine due to foresight and interpretive abilities. His posterity has been and is involved in the spiritual salvation of all mankind. He is a figurehead, a leader, a prince. He was a dreamer, a natural talent, a seer, a hard worker, and a people person. Respectful and obedient, bold and determined, he is what he would view as the ultimate hero.

He was also a tattle and apparently a little self-absorbed. First he got his brothers in trouble for the whole kerfuffle with Bilhah (which was a good thing for him to do, of course), and then proceeded to tell them all about his cool dreams about grain and stars, which even the teeniest brain could interpret as supporting his spiritual superiority. It makes one wonder if he didn’t notice what his brothers were thinking, I mean there were ten of them (not sure if Benjamin joined in at this point, but if so then eleven). How could he not notice their frustration? And if he did, why in the world did he continue to tell them about his dreams? Did he not consider the possible implications of what he was doing? Or did he feel inspired to continually rock the boat? We may never know. What we do know is that it got him a cool colored coat (which represented his father’s respect, love and dependence on him), and then tossed in a pit, sold to Ishmeelites and dragged to Egypt as a slave. Gen37 

      I would like to submit that Joseph did not have the pure motivation for the telling of his dreams or even for his obedience until he came out of his ordeal as a slave. That learning what it meant to be nothing after being promised that he would be everything changed the way he viewed his talents and his identity.

     Have you ever felt like you’ve done everything you can to do what’s right and then everything falls apart? This is what happened to Joseph. He never pushed the line too far, he resisted huge amounts of temptation and still ended up in a deep, dark prison cell. I have to assume that while all of this was happening he was learning to trust God in greater detail. This is what I like to glean from his experiences. We all have been given certain talents, some more visible than others, but they are all equally important in our personal progression and furthering the work of the Lord. Joseph was given one of those visible gifts. There is no way that he automatically knew how to use that gift only for

God’s will right from the start. Yes, I’m sure he wanted to, but things like that have to be learned, nurtured, and tested. I think it was a better, stronger, and more clearly motivated Joseph that emerged from prison than the boy that went in, ready to take on all the cows and corn that Pharaoh could throw at him. I believe talents are like that. It is so easy to identify with the things we do well and think that that is what people should love about us. Joseph’s life and experiences teach us that this is not the case. And it also points out a very important aspect of motivation. When we change why we do something, it doesn’t necessarily change how it looks on the outside, but it will change what we become on the inside. Sometimes our deepest desires will lead us through the roughest times, not because God is cruel and wants to see how long we can hang on, but because we are imperfect and cannot live up to what we understand and therefore what we want. God in His mercy allows for experiences that will change the why, and therefore change the how. It is only then can we really reach what we truly want.