The older I get, the more I realize the importance of truth. Truth is really the thing that sets us free, because only when we see things as they really are, will we be able to move on, heal, grow, become, or reach for anything better than what we have. If we waste our time in denial, we are our only limiting ourselves and causing ourselves more pain.
It's like using a recorder in the practice room. A part of me doesn't want to hear how I sound, but if I don't listen, I'll always assume the audience is hearing what I think they're hearing, and that is usually
not the case. It's only when I feel safe enough to listen and to change that I can really create and project the message that leaps for breath in my soul.
This week I have realized one other type of denial that is just as crippling. That is an unwillingness to accept the breadth of our own gifts. The other day in church I was commenting on something and this idea just popped out. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it is true.
If you are not feeling confident, then you are probably feeling a type of pride.
In the words of President Benson:
The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.
Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21. Beware of Pride
So, essentially, anything that is a state of opposition to God is a state of pride. It's important to me in this case because it means that fear and low self-esteem are in a state of opposition to God, and therefore pride. How exciting is that? I am so competitive in nature, and as a result, I have struggled with self-esteem. But, oh how freeing it is to accept the truth! To realize that I can feel confident, that it is enough to be who I am because I am a child of God. He does not make mistakes. He does not make "bad apples". It is my belief
I think this is one of the most amazing and hopeful things I have ever realized. It means we do not have to be afraid. Of anything. Period. This doesn't mean we won't feel pain, but it means that there is always an end to suffering. It means that life is essentially good, even if it hurts.
The crux of this idea is that confidence is not born simply of action, it is born of truth and of faith. Believing in a reality that we have not witnessed in the past. What a brilliant truth! This means we can change, this means we can grow, we can move forward, and progress, and we can do so while feeling good about ourselves. The entire way there. Confidence is a positive reliance on a desired outcome. Because of the Atonement, we can rely on a positive outcome even if we have never seen it happen before. This is what faith really means to me. It means there is hope for me and there is hope for everyone.
News flash: Good wins in the end. People are inherently good. Life is beautiful, people are beautiful. Tragedy can bring compassion. Our moments of pain are never wasted. We are cooler than we think we are. The church is true!
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